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	<title>Motivation &#8211; Synergy Counseling Services</title>
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		<title>Listening for Change in Columbia, SC</title>
		<link>https://scs-helps.com/listening-for-change-in-columbia-sc/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Jun 2020 19:15:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Current Events]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://scs-helps.com/?p=979</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[There is a great exposition happening in America. The obstacles of this new decade have brought to light real disparities of human rights that profoundly affect every American. In the last three months, we have experienced: a global pandemic that is killing hundreds of thousands of people; mandated periods of prolonged, crippling social isolation; the&#8230;&#160;<a href="https://scs-helps.com/listening-for-change-in-columbia-sc/" rel="bookmark">Read More &#187;<span class="screen-reader-text">Listening for Change in Columbia, SC</span></a>]]></description>
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									<p>There is a great exposition happening in America. The obstacles of this new decade have brought to light real disparities of human rights that profoundly affect every American. In the last three months, we have experienced: a global pandemic that is killing hundreds of thousands of people; mandated periods of prolonged, crippling social isolation; the most pervasive economic depression seen in at least 100 years; and now, mass protests challenging the core of civil policy. </p><p>There are many who are dissatisfied with the status quo of what it means to be American, and they are demanding change to the foundation of America’s social contract. The changes desired are basal in nature, ubiquitous in reach, and sensitive to everybody. </p><p>Those hoping to encourage the change are passionate in their pursuits. Their passion is inspiring to many, and yet intolerable for others. Intolerance causes animosity and bitterness, which impedes the progress change-makers wish to make. <strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">Intolerance creates barriers preventing the necessary collaboration that is ultimately essential to solving our nation’s crises. </strong></p><p>&#8212; </p><p>Intolerance is not uncommon to the human condition. We are designed to have little to no tolerance for anything that makes us uncomfortable. Our biology desires comfort above all else: associating comfort as safety. When any change of any degree threatens what we are accustomed to, we feel discomfort. This discomfort is often expressed as feelings such as fear, anger, anxiety, etc. These forces of discomfort motivate us to run away from or lash out against those who threaten our accustomed environment. It’s survival. </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">How can change ever be expected to occur if all humans are primed to feel visceral intolerance for any potential disruptor of normalcy?</strong> Short answer: for change to occur, we must intentionally challenge the biological signals that alert danger and then force ourselves to tolerate the discomfort. We must tolerate this discomfort until our bodies can see firsthand that, on the other side of all this pain, there is something better than what was normal. It takes faith, and it takes risk. </p><p>Unfortunately, risk is not easy or comfortable for individuals who desire to be changemakers. With a genuine curiosity to consider change, changemakers understand that there is discomfort in pursuing change and recognize the potential for greater reward on the other side of change. </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">Here lies the dilemma: individuals who wish to inspire change already experience the genuine motivators that allow them to tolerate discomfort. They feel an urgency to share their revelations. How might they communicate what motivated them when others refuse to be motivated?</strong> </p><p>In many cases, they simply get louder. They get loud with volume, actions, words, numbers, consistency, and anything they can think of to get their message across. This is typically the recipe for behaviors that most people will not tolerate. And so we go in circles. </p><p>Those who desire change want to be heard because they believe if you knew what they knew—if you felt how they felt—you too would be interested in change despite your discomfort. </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">The challenge for those who desire no change is learning how they can listen.</strong> How can they open themselves to the discomfort of others to hear what they have to say? How can they communicate to those who desire change, understanding and solidarity? </p><p>&#8212; </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">Hearing—truly hearing someone—is a skill that takes practice. In psychotherapy, we call it active listening.</strong> Active listening establishes empathy in a relationship because it communicates to the speaker that the listener is with them. It requires hearing without making judgements, and that can be uncomfortable. </p><p>When engaged in active listening, the listener does not tend to personal thoughts, concerns, or reactions about content shared. An active listener never replies with a preconceived answer that begins with, “Yeah, but…”, “At least it’s…” or any other retort. Instead, an active listener validates the feelings of the speaker by reiterating and summarizing what the speaker said. It requires a level of mindfulness. </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">In psychotherapy, we use genuine active listening to build bridges of trust and understanding called empathetic rapport between client and therapist.</strong> When empathetic rapport is established, the client no longer feels alone to face their burden. The client is empowered by trust in solidarity with the therapist. From there, healing can happen. </p><p>&#8212; </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">The challenges facing America are traumatic and painful. Letting go of judgements of how someone should or should not behave feels dangerous and is extremely uncomfortable. However, if we expect to work together towards building solutions, then tolerating the discomfort is necessary. </strong></p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">To those of you reading who believe you need help listening without judgement: </strong>Synergy can help you. Our therapists are trained empathizers who are well-equipped to handle discomfort and can educate about peaceful conversation. We understand that the hardest thing to do can be to let go of judgement. </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">To those of you who feel like you are not being heard, to those of you who feel like you need to be heard, or to those of you who feel like you have something inside of you that cannot be held down any longer:</strong> Synergy would love to have your permission to listen. No, we cannot promise change, we cannot promise to make things better or to take your pain away. We promise to receive your message. We will work to understand who you are and for what and who you are hurting. </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">We will stand with you, and you will not be alone. </strong></p><p>Written by: Spencer Kilpatrick, LISW-CP, Psychotherapist for Synergy Counseling Services</p><p>Posted Friday, June 5, 2020</p>								</div>
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		<title>Your Hidden Resilience</title>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 21 Apr 2020 19:19:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Covid 19]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[3 Therapeutic Techniques You Are Already Using to Cope During COVID-19   [Read Time: Estimated 10 mins] COVID-19 is challenging us in almost every aspect of our lives. In response to the many disruptions, we are working from home, schooling from home, and even attending parties from home. Technology has been flexible to help pull us&#8230;&#160;<a href="https://scs-helps.com/your-hidden-resilience/" rel="bookmark">Read More &#187;<span class="screen-reader-text">Your Hidden Resilience</span></a>]]></description>
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									<p><u class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-2d c2-4c c2-4f">3 Therapeutic Techniques You Are Already Using to Cope During COVID-19</u> </p><p> [Read Time: Estimated 10 mins]</p><p>COVID-19 is challenging us in almost every aspect of our lives. In response to the many disruptions, we are working from home, schooling from home, and even attending parties from home. Technology has been flexible to help pull us through all this uncertainty, however Synergy’s Clinical Supervisor, Terrie Sigler reminds us, “we are still confined for the current duration”. This confinement can be taxing on us psychologically!</p><p>Terrie works intimately with clients who struggle with feeling confined, even before COVID-19. She helps them unlock their hidden strengths to cope with disruptions. Her clients have goals to return to a more comfortable and functional way of living, and she empowers them. When her clients feel confined, Terrie uses three useful psychotherapeutic techniques to help stimulate their determination. These techniques are called <strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">relaxation</strong>, <strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">positive praise</strong>, and <strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">cognitive restructuring</strong>. They inspire resilience, meaning that they help us self-motivate and persevere when circumstances make us feel like quitting. </p><p>Over the past eight weeks, you probably experienced moments of difficulty that made you feel like stopping. The new rules of this pandemic can feel unmanageable, and that is unbearably discouraging at times. You may not feel as though you are handling it alright, but coping is something to try and accept without judgement or value. Fact is, if you are reading this article right now, then by definition you are successfully coping already! You have made it to today, despite what happened yesterday. You did this by employing a series of strengths that you have. You lean on them in times of difficulty, and repeatedly, they pull you through. </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">The three techniques outlined below are used by psychotherapists with their clients. But you may be surprised to learn that you are</strong> <em class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-2d c2-4c c2-4d"><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">already</strong></em> <strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">doing them on your own!</strong> </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">1. Relaxation</strong></p><p>Anything done with intention to revitalize the body physically, mentally, and spiritually is called <strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">therapeutic relaxation</strong>. In psychotherapy, the first goal of relaxation is to increase awareness of the body, and the second is to reduce the uncomfortable physical symptoms detected by reducing the heart rate. The most common way this is accomplished in therapy is through deep breathing. However, there are countless ways to relax. </p><p>Unfortunately, the tangible or physical fruits of relaxation may not be immediately apparent to you! This is why it’s hard to justify doing relaxing activities regularly. How could reading a book, taking a bath, playing with your kids, doing yoga, writing in a journal, or playing golf help me get a report done for work? </p><p>COVID19, while slowing the world down, has given us opportunity. We are not expected to be producing as much. This lack of hustle invites us to examine ourselves without distraction. What do you notice? Now, more than ever, we are listening to our bodies which call for rest. Now, more than ever, we are giving ourselves permission to dedicate our time toward something rejuvenating. Every bath, book, and play is helping to replenish the energy needed to continue living. If you are taking advantage of the healing quality of relaxation, then you are using this psychotherapeutic technique successfully to cope!</p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">2. Positive Praise</strong></p><p>Research consistently proves that genuine praise is not only uplifting for a person’s well-being, but it is incredibly motivating. Psychotherapists consistently use <strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">positive praise</strong> to encourage clients who are struggling to mobilize themselves toward reaching goals. When praise is accepted, it builds trust and feelings of love and support. These are the factors that make us feel like we can do anything!</p><p>Think about the past month. Did you thank anyone for anything? Have you felt appreciation for the healthcare workers putting their lives at risk? Have you thanked the workers at your local grocery store providing essential needs to your community despite the danger to themselves? You thank them because you have genuine appreciation for them, and you want them to know it! </p><p>Now, what have you said to <em class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-2d c2-4c c2-4d">yourself</em> in the past month? Have you thanked yourself for being flexible in your part to socially isolate? Have you acknowledged that you are a considerate daughter, brother, cousin, or grandson for checking in on a loved one? Do you feel uplifted that, despite the interruptions, you have helped your employer adapt in this time of uncertainty? Are you encouraged by your strength to overcome life’s unannounced obstacles?</p><p>If you accept the positivity of praise given to yourself, then you are coping! Praise can be as small as a whisper or as blatant as a reward. If you are honoring yourself in a way that motivates you to move forward, you are using praise to cope. </p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">3. Cognitive Restructuring (</strong><em class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-2d c2-4c c2-4d"><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">aka</strong></em> <strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">Reframing)</strong></p><p><strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">Cognitive Restructuring</strong> or <strong class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-39 c2-4c">reframing</strong> is a fundamental technique used in Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). Reframing happens when a person can change the way they perceive a situation to manipulate the way they feel about it. </p><p>If COVID19 has disrupted any part of your life, I guarantee that you are already using reframing to cope! For instance, maybe you felt guilty or inferior because the quantity or quality of your productivity has fallen during this time. Consequently, your guilt feeling de-motivated you and affected your output&#8211;most likely lowering it! We are accustomed to producing at a certain level, and our brains expect us to maintain that level <em class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-2d c2-4c c2-4d">no matter what</em>. </p><p>Your brain does not accept COVID-19 (and all its stipulations) <em class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-2d c2-4c c2-4d">unless</em> you introduce COVID-19 to it with a reframe. For example, compare your feelings regarding your current work output before and after this question:  <em class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-2d c2-4c c2-4d">How much can I realistically expect to accomplish working from home while I’m limited on resources from the office and have all three kids here distracting me?</em> If you experienced any relief of guilt or negative feeling, then you have successfully cognitively restructured! You’ve reframed your thinking about your current work output, your attitude is no longer soured by guilt, and you gave yourself permission to be satisfied producing what you can.</p><p>This psychotherapeutic technique requires you to <em class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-2d c2-4c c2-4d">believe</em> that your reframed thought is plausible in the first place. While finding a reframed thought that fits can be rather difficult at times, if you can choose the right thought to counter those that pull you down, cognitive restructuring is a wonderful source of psychological relief!</p><p>Take a deep breath. COVID-19 has stretched all of us thin, but you are resilient! Use this article to acknowledge all you have done over the last eight weeks. Give yourself credit, and recognize the strengths you used to get you this far. How will you remember that giving yourself the time to relax, thanking yourself for surviving, and simply creating a new interpretation of your situation all made you feel better? Make a memory of these moments. When the next disruption comes, you will have the confidence to tell yourself, “I’ve managed this before”. Reframing, relaxation, and positive praise can be practiced. How will you continue to honor these strengths after our pandemic passes?</p><p>Building awareness of your personal strengths is the first step in any journey to overcome obstacles. If you are ever feeling helpless to face them because your obstacles are too great, then our therapists at Synergy can be a support for you. We are trained to help you unlock your potential in challenging, yet safe and supportive manner. </p><p>Written by Spencer Kilpatrick, LISW-CP</p><p>Posted Tuesday, April 21, 2020</p>								</div>
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		<title>Using Mindfulness to Motivate</title>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[admin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 Apr 2020 19:24:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[[Read Time: Estimated 8 mins]  Pain is a great demotivator. Pain felt while exercising can be enough to stop even the most seasoned of athletes. So, where does that leave the rest of us? At one time or another, we have all tried to commit to exercising more, but experiencing discomfort while trying to exercise&#8230;&#160;<a href="https://scs-helps.com/using-mindfulness-to-motivate/" rel="bookmark">Read More &#187;<span class="screen-reader-text">Using Mindfulness to Motivate</span></a>]]></description>
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									<p>[Read Time: Estimated 8 mins] </p><p>Pain is a great demotivator. Pain felt while exercising can be enough to stop even the most seasoned of athletes. So, where does that leave the rest of us?</p><p>At one time or another, we have all tried to commit to exercising more, but experiencing discomfort while trying to exercise can be incredibly discouraging. No question about it, exercise can hurt!</p><p>But then what do we always hear next…  “No PAIN, no GAIN!”, right? It is embarrassing to stop. It’s discouraging to go out and quit, so why go out at all? </p><p>First, we need to understand that the word “pain” used regarding exercise can have two meanings. Pain that is felt as sharp, strong, and persistent is our body telling us specifically that we are injured. The <a class="x-el x-el-a c2-23 c2-24 c2-4f c2-26 c2-27 c2-4g c2-29 c2-4h c2-3 c2-2c c2-2d c2-2e c2-2f" href="https://health.clevelandclinic.org/ok-push-pain-exercise/" rel=""><u class="x-el x-el-span c2-23 c2-24 c2-3 c2-4b c2-2g c2-2d c2-4c c2-4f">Cleveland Clinic</u></a> urges us to listen to this type of pain and stop the movement. </p><p>But what about the other pain, then? The discomfort, the aching, the soreness however mild. How do we deal with that? </p><p>Before moving to Charleston, I used to go on morning walks with my Mom back in Pennsylvania (where there are a lot of hills!), and at times she would struggle with the discomfort of the exercise. Often, she would remark that she felt as though her feet and ankles were on fire, or that she did not have the confidence in her breath to climb to the top of a hill. Looking at her, I noticed that she was walking hunched over, eyes cast down at her feet on the pavement of the road. </p><p>My first reaction was telling her to look up. I explained that half the fun of walking is being able to look at what is around you. Growing up at the Kilpatrick’s, we were always gardening and cultivating an appreciation for flowers, trees, leaves, etc. So, I encouraged my mother to notice what was around us on our walk. Had she ever seen such thick, white fog down in our neighbor’s valley from the vantage on this hill before? Could she see how the dew stuck to the bark of the river birches lining the pond? Could she find her breath to the scent of the Dogwood trees blooming with white flowers? I suggested she listen to the goldfinches sing a welcoming to the new day, they were welcoming us, too. I was inviting her to use mindfulness in order to tolerate her reported discomfort so she could accomplish her goal of completing the walk. </p><p>So often, pain is an exigent agent of what therapists’ call “grounding”. For example, nothing brings our complete attention to the body faster than a stubbed toe on a coffee table. Pain is one of our body’s strongest signals. And it should be! Pain is our protector; it tells us when something is wrong right now. But when it comes to exercising, where our fundamental goal lies beyond the point where physical discomfort tells us to stop, how do we ignore the pain? </p><p>Simple answer: we don’t. We tolerate pain by appreciating its place in the context of the whole picture of the moment. My mom was focused solely on the burning felt in her legs and lungs, and consequently each step required a forced intention. This is unsustainable over time, and she probably would have quit early. Asking her to have gratitude for the sights, tastes, sounds, smells of her walking experience added much needed color to her black-and-white focus. When her picture of the walk balanced, she felt motivated and empowered to work with the pain and finish strong!</p><p>“Mindfulness” is intentional appreciation of our complete surroundings in any present moment. It has the power to motivate us past the point of physical discomfort. By intentionally transitioning focus from only the discomfort she felt to appreciating the beauty all around her, my mother experienced genuine interest in the value of pushing past the pain. Smelling the dogwoods or seeing how the light of the sunrise caught the leaves created enticing rewards for her to move despite her discomfort. Now she had reason to walk. </p><p>In addition, my mother felt her self-confidence build over time. As she consistently practiced mindfulness, her new ability to motivate herself past the limits of her body made her feel enriched spiritually. That is something to be proud of. After our talk, her desire to walk and appreciate grew each subsequent morning. While using mindfulness, exercise went from being an uncomfortable burden to just a by-product of her gratitude experience. We walked all summer long. </p><p>~~~</p><p>At Synergy, our therapists can work with you to find motivation in many complex situations. We believe motivation does not have to be so arduous. How can adding a bit of gratitude and appreciation help you in your life right now?</p><p>Written By Spencer Kilpatrick, LISW-CP</p><p>Posted Thursday, April 16, 2020</p>								</div>
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